Expectations and Disappointments ...Why a Fraternity?

I decided that the things that i talked to Carolyn about i should also ask Vin about. I met with Vin on Monday in Ocean City and we went to an arcade. We talked about his week which was full as usual. Hes been really busy with the fraternity and everything. He had a fundraiser on thursday. On friday he went to a party at the elks lodge where he was the DD again. Saturday he said he sat around all day because he needs his rest and relazation because he is busy all the time and never gets enough rest. Sunday he did a lot of homwork and then went to a party at school.

We got to talk about his role models in life very briefly and also about his transition to college. Vin says his role model is defenitely his dad. He says that his dad is "the man. That was as much detail i could get out of him as to why. Everytime i asked why he is the man he replied with "because he is" and hes my dad thats why. so i let it go. Vins transition to college he says was fairly easy. He says that his clases were actually easier and the only thing he was worried aboout when coming to college was getting a fresh start. He didnt want to make a bad first impression and he also has a hard time meeting people. Other than that nothing bothered him. He chose Stockton because it is close enough to home that he can drive back if he needs anything and a lot of his friends are back at home. Its also far enough away for him to stay on campus and get to know ppl pretty well and have a good time. His fears came true for a week or so, but then he met some "cool" people and has been hanging out with them ever since then. He was fine after a week or two. Some of his expectations about college were big parties and schoolwork to be much different and he was a little bit worried about being in class longer. His disapointment was the lack of big parties and the lack of free time where he has nothing to do for 3 or 4 hours at a time. He was also expecting to make more friends than he actually did when he got here, but he says "that's ok all u need are a few good ones". Now, he loves college, hes having the time of his life, classes are going well, hes pledging a frat, meeting a lot of new people, things are going pretty good right now for him. When he began to talk about how he was joining a frat i asked him how he decided which frat and why.

When he came to stockton he talked to a few people in greek life and they all told him that it was the best decision they ever made, and he wanted to make some friends. he said that it just looked like a good time and a good thing to get involved with. How he chose the fraternity was because he knew the president of the frat and also his first semester here, he had a few of the brothers in one of his classes. He spoke with them about it and after talking to them he was very interested in pledging. The one he joined also seemed pretty laid back and nice and there was noone that he met from it that looked like they would give him a hard time. And thats how he got INVOLVED.

Breakfast talk

She began to tell me a bit about what her week was like. This week was full of ups and downs for her. She started fighting with her roomate and it blew up into a huge fight this week. Its been hard with the fighting because she has been trying to do her work and get ready for spring break to come down to the shore. She says she has been very stressed out all week. I wanted to take her mind off of this week that had passed so i figured i would ask some constructive questions. I asked her who her role models were. Carolyns role models are her cousin Katie and her mom because they both are strong women and have succeeded in a mainly dominant male work place and whatever they put their minds to, they accomplish. We also talked about her fears of leaving high school and going to college. Carolyns fears about college were mainly social, such as fitting in and making friends but once school got going and she went to class and started meeting people in her dorm, then she realized there was nothing to worry about. She decided to go to the universiry of rhode island because it has a great Marine Biology program and also because when they visited the school, her and her mother both fell in love with it and she knew thats where she wanted to go. One thing that she thought that was proven wrong was that there would be a lot less drama in college than in high school, but the problem with her roomate proves otherwise. When she first thought about going away to school she thought it was going to be just an extention of high school where she didnt live with her parents. But not that she is there she knows that college is a lot more responsibility. Getting work done without having someone telling you it has to be turned in and classes are harder than high school. But she does feel that her high school did prepare her very well for the workload that she got this year. In her opinion, when you go to college you need to realize your limits. you can party but should limit it to where it is not going to interfere with your school work.

Cant get away to be alone except if outside.

This weekend myself and my female informant Carolyn were supposed to go to the movies and dinner but i had to work double shifts all weekend. Instead we met one morning for breakfast and talked. She told me about her dorm room which she does not spend a lot of time in. It is very plain and had posters of LL Cool J, and Usher. Thats all that is in her room that is hers. She shares a room with a girl named Rachel and she gets a long with her ok, but she likes to have her own space. Her most important thing in her room again is her bed. She likes to lay on her bed and relax, thats where she does her homework and of course that has her pink and blue comforter on it. Her bed is also where she likes to lay and look out the window at thunderstorms and listen to the rain hit the rooftop of the dorm. She didnt go into much more detail about her dorm room other than saying she just wishes that she had her own room so she could have her space. She likes to take walks around campus except when it is really really cold out because that is when she gets time to be alone and just think.

Finally the dorm room....

I finally got in to see Vins dorm room. He has a single room to himself, no roomate. I asked him why he wanted his own room and he said "so he didnt have to deal with other peoples shit in his space." As i walked in Vin says to me "Again my room is plain" which he said about his room at home. This makes me think he is ashamed because they are "plain". There is one poster on the wall which was the Blues Brothers because he says they are awesome. And there is a tiny picture of jessica alba. I asked him why there was the tiny picture there and he said he loves jessica alba with all his heart. He has a single bed with blue and brown comforter because blue is his favorite color. Small closet to the left which he says is too damn small. In his closet, his clothes were very neatly hung up and at the bottom in bins is where he keeps his socks and underwear. He said "I would open the drawers but you dont want to see my underwear". Also in the bottom are his toiletries like cologne. There was a few books, a couple bowls, soup, a flashlight and cups on top of his closet which he says he never uses and doesnt even know why its there. His parents bought it for him so that is why it is up there. His desktop computer is on his wooden desk and he says his computer was built for work. On his desk is a little shelf ith his keys and pens, pencils, and spare change. When i asked him to open his drawers he opened the top one and there was a bunch of candy in it. I asked him what all the candy was for and he said its for when he gets hungary. In the other drawer are his books for school. There was another small thing of drawers with a TV and Xbox 360 on it which he also has at home. In his refrigerator were cokes and pepsis and thats it. Under his bed were pajamas, towels, and shorts and some skateboards which he uses to go to class. It was a tipical male dorm room. Although i was kind of upset i didnt accidently run across a playboy or something. He must of hid them pretty well.

A getaway at home thats not a getaway

I spoke with Carolyn on the phone while she was on a break from her classes on Wednesday. I asked her about her room at home because i will not get to see it considering it is in PA. She told me that she would email me on the next day and explain her bedroom As i said she talks to me a lot over text messages and instant messages and also by email on facebook and myspace. She emailed me this morning and explained her room to me. Her room at home is very girly. She has pink carpet which she chose when they redid her room 2 years ago. Her favortite colors are blue and pink and so her walls are light light blue. She explains her room as her getaway at home which is not really a getaway. She says she cant be who she is at home because her parents dont approve. Her parents have always tried to get her to join certain groups at school and also to to like certain kinds of boys. Her room at home has posters in it of Heath Ledger who she says she likes "for a white guy". She has white wicker furniture in her room which were hand downs from her parents old room. She hates the white wicker because she says it makes her miss being at the shore because that is what all the furniture is at her shore house. Along with her posters she has pictures cut out from magazines of Brad Pitt, Collin Farrell, and Johnny Depp. She says she doesnt like these guys. "They are hott and all, but i like the dark boys hahha(she laughed" She says that her room at home is putting on a show for her mother and father. They dont like the fact that she is into black men and they are always trying to introduce her to "NICE WHITE BOYS" as her mom says. She doesnt put pictures up of any black actors or performers because she doesnt want her parents to get upset with her so she tries to conform to what they want. She made me laugh when she said "all my illegal stuff is at my dorm" because she meant all of her posters with usher and LL cool J and she always talks about how their bodys are "soo hott". Also in her room is a basket which was white wicker as well which had a bunch of TY Beenie Babies in it. She said that she has been collecting them since she was younger and it is something that means a lot to her. Also in the corner of her room is a net that hangs from the ceiling with a lot of stuffed animals in it from her childhood. She told me of One bear that she has had since the day she was born that her grandmother gave her who since then has passed away. Carolyn was into choir and loves music. As a decoration in her room, she has music notes that are multicolored hanging on her wall all over the room. Her bed is a single which she says "is to small for me because im a little fat". On her bed is a pink and blue comforter again her favorite colors and she has 2 throw pillows which she puts on her bed everyday when she gets up which are PINK AND BLUE. Her radio is a Ipod dock which she can sit her ipod into and it will play the music that is on it. She loves her ipod a lot she says she takes it with her everywhere she goes because it is a part of her. She always has her phone, ipod, and a purse, at all times. I am still waiting on a response about the rest of her dorm room and the rest of her bedroom at home. the only thing i got was that there were posters of usher and ll cool j she is writing the rest to me today because she didnt have time before class.
In her bedroom her favorite thing is her bed. She likes to lay in it and if there is anyway she can get away it is laying in her bed because she can shut her eyes and relax and forget about everything. I am interested to see what other differences there are in what her room is like at home compared to her dorm room.

Chit Chat at Lunch

So Carolyn came down over this past weekend and we got to have lunch togeather inbetween me going to work and her visiting her parents. She is pretty close to her parents, she likes to talk to her mom about a lot of things but boys sometimes she hides a but more. We went to a restaurant in cape may where she used to go with her summer friends. She said they used to go there to eat a lot when they each had an hour break for dinner during their busy summer working days. We talked about a lot during lunch. In the middle of talking her phone was beeping like crazy getting a lot of new text messages from friends and also she said she was getting poked. There is something on facebook where you can"poke" a friend like saying hey just by presing poke and she gets them sent to her phone. Everytime she gets poked on facebook she gets it sent to her cell phone. I asked what it cost when she got these texts and she ssaid he didnt know because her parents pay for it. She told me about her schedule. She has class from 12-3 Monday and Friday 9:30-4 Tuesday and Wed and 9:30 to 1230 on thursday. She gets dinnder in the cafeteria every night with her friends and then goes and does homework. She didnt start drinking until college but she only drinks once or twice every other week. When she does stay up at school on the weekends, her and her friends go clubbing in Providence one night and the next night go to the movies or rent movies and just hang out in the dorms. She is a pretty typical teenager and college student. She likes to party and have fun and she also is pretty responsible. She is focusing a lot on her school work and not so much partying like a lot of her friends are.

Vin's Space

Vin write me back about his bedroom at home and i am meeting him tomorrow after class at his dorm. He was there over the weekend and will be there tomorrow.

As for his room at his parents house, he wrote in an email on facebook to me. He communicates with me a lot through facebook and he speaks to a lot of his friends on facebook. He describes his room as being very plain. He has 3 posters hung up "naked women, guns and roses, and a led zepplin one". He has 2 guitars on the floor along with a tiny amplifier. He has an eagles locker and next to it there is a plain white desk with a computer on it which was built for gaming. He has a Tv a XBOX 360 and as he describes a really nice stereo system. as he explained more things that were around his room he said "dont think im queer" and he told me he has mickey mouse figurines on one shelf and swords and daggers on another. i wrote a short message back to him and i told him i did not think he was gay. He sent me a message back and told me the mickey mouse figurines were from when he was younger and he still likes the swords and daggers. Next he has a dresser with a black mirror on it because he likes to look at himself. i thought it was funny how he said he liked to look at himself. His bed is a queen because he likes a lot of room when he sleeps. In his closets, his clothes are neatly hung up but at the bottom of his closer is a bunch of junk that he hasnt seen in years.

This was his room to him and as he explained it to me i could almost just picture it in my head because he says it is plain and he gave me a lot of detail on colors and just to make me feel as though i was there.

Busy Schedule

I spoke with my male informant Vin who was supposed to meet me so i could see his dorm room. When i spoke to him on the phone he informed me that he was at home in Brigantine with a bad head cold. Instead of meeting him on thursday i am going to meet him on tuesday after class. Instead i spoke to him on the phone about his week. He told me that the weekend before he went to a frat party and was the Designated Driver because he is pledging to the fraternity. He told me that they played some "pong" meaning beer pong and they "bullshitted". He is very excited because he is meeting new people in the school and making more friends.
He also was telling me of his old girlfriend in high school and how seeing the couples togeather at the party was upseting him. That was the last relationship he was in and they were togeather for a year and they broke up over this past summer. I also asked him to take some pictures of his room at his parents house and to explain to me what is important to him while he is there. he told me he was bored at home so i gave him an assignment. I asked him to write about his room and tell me what he would show me and why. i thought that this would give him something to do and in case i couldnt ever make it out to Brigantine to see his parents house then this would cover what He thought about his room.